Lately I've hardly notice what I've been eating. And believe me, I have been eating. Stress does that to me. The more desk work I have to do, the more I crave something to chew on, crunch on, sip or savour. I drink more tea than the Royal Family. It has little to do with thirst or hunger and everything to do with distraction. What I'm craving when I'm sitting at my desk reading dense journal articles or cramming lists and acronyms into my brain, is some kind of physical stimulation. I would love to get up and go for a walk or run, hang out with some friends, laughing and interacting, or put my hands to work and make something, anything tangible - but this is not the time for that.
So instead, I try to cope with the sitting, by snacking. It's an easy solution - because unlike most things, eating does not take away from the mental work. I can do it while I sit. I can do it with just a sliver of my brain.
After finishing yet another dinner with my mind wandering to the next exam and where would I live this summer, my face in a Cuisine magazine, scanning recipes to slot into my mental collection, my hand on autopilot, rhythmically supplying my mouth with the next delivery to be processed, the thought - what's next? immediately jumped to my mind. I had barely even noticed that I'd just eaten dinner. I couldn't tell you if I was full, I had just eaten until the plate was empty. I was already thinking; What snacks could I eat later? What would I have for breakfast tomorrow? How much had I already eaten today? and various other food related questions.
I realized, I needed an intervention. Moving on to dessert or finding another study snack was not what I needed or even wanted. Doing so would only leave me feeling full and crappy on top of bored and annoyed with school. It's not very satisfying snacking while I study or reading while I eat and I'm eating more than I'm using up with all this sitting. In all honesty, I'd rather not have to buy new pants but more importantly, I'd much rather actually enjoy eating and feel nourished than do it halfheartedly.
What I needed was a Closing Ceremonies. I decided on a new approach this week - the Olympics of Eating. I'm sure that conjures up images of an eating competition - 20 fist sized matzo balls in 2.6 minutes... but that's not exactly the idea.
It means Eating as an Event. The Olympics has both an opening and closing ceremonies. The meal is the extravaganza in the middle. So for 2 out of 3 daily meals this week, I'm trying to eat with full attention - no magazines, no textbooks, no radio. Just me and my plate.
My opening ceremonies is basically just a moment of looking at, smelling and thinking about what I'm about to eat before I start. Switching from study mode to dinner mode. The sight, smell and thought of food actually serves an important purpose - called the "Cephalic Phase" this is when neural signals from sensory input get the juices (such as saliva, pepsin and hydrochloric acid from the stomach and bile from the liver) flowing so we can digest the meal.
Next comes the main event - the meal itself - the enjoyment of tasting and feeling every crunch and squish, salty or sour: really being focused. Stopping to take a breath and relax. Perhaps even putting my fork down.
The Closing Ceremonies is just a few thoughts on how good the meal was, and how it is now over. That I've had dinner, I'm satisfied and I'm done eating. Time to move onto something else. I don't jump right back to my desk. I take a few minutes to walk around the block or I sit down with a magazine (other than Cuisine!) and enjoy, really enjoy reading it, sometimes I call a friend for a chat, or I write an email.
This isn't the first time I've returned to mindfulness. I just get off track every once in a while, but the point is just to come back to it when I do. It really works for me and most of all, it's really enjoyable. It's also not just about eating less. It's about me acknowledging that I need much more than just food to keep me happy and finding ways to get those somethings rather than distracting myself from wanting them with snacks.
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